01 Feb Single, Saved & Serving: In Conversation With Omotayo A. || @omotayo.a
Less than two weeks from now, you’ll start checking your phone, hoping that you get a call or SMS notification from one admirer or ‘main person’. Helllooooooo SingleNation! We’ve got something to help you get your Valentine’s Day well emotionally managed. LOL!
The search for love is daunting these days you’ll almost think it’s a big deal – well, maybe it is but not so much to make a fuss out of. Everybody wants to be in a relationship, where they can feel the tangibility of love. It’s safe to say this is a great dream, but not unless you put the work in it right. Nothing good comes easy. I guess the bottom line of our discuss with Omotayo is to bring to fore the sauce in singleness. To help you realise that if you are not enough with yourself, you won’t ever feel enough even if you had an extra person.
We talked about everything saved, as well as the sanity of keeping a spouse-list!!! Yes O! Because you’re single now, will you now say ‘anything goes’? Lai Lai!
Let’s get to this already…
Your conversations as I have seen, are themed around being content with the state of singleness. We’ll like to know, what’s the sauce in being single. What exactly is interesting about it?
Everybody experiences singleness, but not everyone will experience marriage. But for some reason, Singleness either has some sort of shame or stigma attached to it (for people who want to be married and are not), or it’s seen as a short period of time to be “free” (in terms of sexuality, finance, career, etc.) However, considering that we will all spend the foundational years of our lives single, doesn’t it make sense to learn to look at Singleness as simply… Being? After all, it’s the values and habits we learn in singleness that we take into every aspect of our lives.
I know for sure that singleness is actually a great phase in one’s life if properly understood and maximised. However, our bodies and hormones don’t understand this spiritual language we love to speak. How does one maintain wholeness of the body, mind and spirit on this journey of being single?
The first step is to take away the negativity around the word, “Single”. Let’s replace it with the word, “Whole” instead. James 1:4 gives the perfect definition of what it means to be Whole: “…perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” A Single person is a Whole person; there’s nothing lacking in you, you don’t need someone else to “complete” you. You are complete as a Whole person already! Once you understand that, the next step is to identify what you need to develop and improve within yourself, and to grow more fully into that wholeness – with things like deepening your relationship with God, developing interpersonal skills and improving your personal values. The hormonal stuff is a natural temptation, but the same way we don’t put everything in our mouths just because we’re hungry, we can train ourselves – in wholeness – to manage our other temptations. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
Do you think that people should have a list of desires for their ‘dream’ spouse, or is it an old skool approach to getting the kind of spouse you want?
For the Single Person who desires marriage, I’m a firm believer in lists! Habbakuk 2:2 says, “Write the vision; make it plain…” We make goals and lists for our career, personal development and finance goals, knowing that we may not get it all – but at least we have a vision to guide our choices and to track our progress. It’s the same with marriage. We must have a clear picture of who we would like to be with, as well as a clear picture of who we need to become in order to match that person.
With the time and resources you put into talking about singleness, what myths have you had to declutter from peoples’ minds over and again?
The idea that single people are incomplete without spouses, that money/career is an alternative to happy relationships (in truth, we can have both), and that we don’t deserve to have high standards when it comes to relationships.
I notice you also share a lot on service to God and people, please tell us how service is not just a method of marking time and if there are really any benefits from giving ones time and talents.
The easiest way to identify your Purpose is to serve others – helping them fulfil their own purpose. This is because God put us on earth to serve Him. We are called to dominate, yes, but what dominating and subduing the earth really means, is that we do our best with the skills/talents we have so that we can help others. There is no true success without service. Even in generating wealth, there is no true value without service. That’s why businesses call it “providing a service.”
Omotayo A. is a writer with experience in art, advertising, fashion, film and education. Seeing herself as a Firecatcher: a tool in God’s hand to help identify, encourage, support and develop God-given “content” in people, as well as for people, through media and other creative expressions. You can connect with her on Instagram via @omotayo.a