02 Feb Who Pays For What? My Wedding Story
So, I told him I wanna work hard and make so much money to the point where I can pay for my wedding and he responded by saying I was proud. That got me so worried!!! What had I said that warranted such words thrown at me. To make matters worse his expression was somewhat condescending and I couldn’t fathom why I suddenly became the enemy.
I arrived home that night, pacing from one end of the room to the other. Eventually I decided to go back to that moment and dissect each phrase. So, I had told him “I wanted to work hard”, surely that wasn’t the problem, then I went on to state that “I wanted to make so much money” and of course that’s the dream of every human being so that could not have been the bone of contention and finally I ended with “To the point where I can pay for my wedding”. I stood still for a while pondering on it, and as it dawned on me I fell on my bed and laughed until my head began to hurt.
You see, as an African young woman, A Nigerian for that matter, it didn’t take me too long to figure out why Brother Cornelius(Yeah I chose that name) came to that conclusion and honestly I was deeply saddened. It hurt so bad because it opened my eyes to realise that despite the introduction of Education, despite the era of Evolution, Enlightenment and Advancement, Tradition would always raise its ugly head to ruin relationships, marriages and even places of worship.
Could it be that Brother Cornelius couldn’t stand the fact that a woman, a lesser human in quote had the effrontery to reveal that she wanted to pay for her wedding, seemingly because it is not her responsibility or her role or could it just be that this brother has issues with a woman being very rich?
With these questions rolling out and about, I am forced to take a step further by asking, what then is the role of the Man and Woman? Who pays what?
You see, the 21st century has produced a lorryload of women who believe that it is the responsibility of the man to foot the major bills and in this case, pay for the wedding while the woman on the other hand is to invest her money. Although I strongly feel that this school of thought began as far back as the Stone Age. Only a fraction of women have the desire to be more than just a helper. These women are the ones who believe that the wife and husband are supposed to be pillars for one another and are therefore expected to share the burden together and when one doesn’t have, the other reaches out to help.
Could it also be that Brother Cornelius was intimidated? Is he the typical African man who believes it is a big shame and disgrace for his partner to have more money than him? and a sin before God and man for his wife to feed him, in other words, pay the bills?
I remember a question that went viral sometime ago, which stated; Should the couple move if the wife gets an opportunity to move out of state for a Job with a salary of 400k and the husband is currently earning 50k? Another question went viral again about who should stay home to take care of the kids if the wife is earning 400k and the husband 50k? The responses to this very sensitive questions were mind-blowing. Some Men were willing to allow their family struggle with 50k rather than allow their wives earn a bigger salary.
So my dear friends, the question of who pays what? May have many answers, many philosophies and even scriptural backings. It has led to several arguments which escalated into un-necessary slander and disrespect. Should I be ridiculed for wanting to work hard? Should I be mocked for wanting to pay for my wedding? Should my husband feel less of a man for not having enough? Should he feel ashamed If I want to foot the bills especially when I have more than enough? Why should any of these things matter? Is it Tradition? Is it Religion? Or is it just plain Madness?
You tell me!!
Written By Oluwatobiloba Adeboye-Joshua For MAG